I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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