I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
