Need sex. Gaining weight.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
