I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
