is your mom at the bar?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
