sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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