THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
