News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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