I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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