You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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