I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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