I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
