So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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