I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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