Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
