Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
