She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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