Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
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He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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