You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
