I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
