WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
