It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
