I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
