I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
