we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i think im in europe. pls send help
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
