Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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