The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
