Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
