I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
