Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
