Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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