my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
