he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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