I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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