is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
