didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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