I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
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I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
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dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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