When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
