Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
