franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
