I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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