you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
