i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
