Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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