Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
