I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
