the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
