you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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