I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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