walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
