i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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