some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
