Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
