I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
