i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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