I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
