Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
