On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
