Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
