I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize