theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
