so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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