I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
