Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
