Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
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