Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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