I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
