I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
are you so shy because you have an std?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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