dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
