i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
