I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
