Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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